(no subject)

[vandy]

I had a major "I am sad, where has all the time gone" moment today. I went out to pick blackberries at my parents' place and there were very few left. I almost missed them, and I don't know if I will get more. And if I do they may not be the encredibly sweet plump juicy things that I yearn for. And I absolutely refuse to buy them because I *should* have access to so many blackberries that I should never need to buy them. Now I want to eat them all up to make sure I remember what they taste like so the memory will last through to next summer. I was really depressed earlier. Then I realized that I wasn't really that late, that the black berries were awfully early. But I still feel kinda' depressed. Everything is early this year, fruit, Acorn War... It is not fair. I feel cheated out of part of my summer because things are going past even faster than they are supposed to. Sigh. On the other hand it will be nice when it is winter, but I will miss the nice fresh fruit and veggies. I am feeling homesick and I am not really away from home. I am really going to miss it if I move someplace to go to grad school. Can you imagine living someplace without black berries? And why the hell have I been so busy this summer that I only now went out and picked any anyway? I really haven't done anything aside from having made messes and cleaned them up this summer... Or possibly cleaned up after other peoples' messes too. And soldered some stuff I guess. Why can little things bother you so much? Sometimes it seems like everything is a symbol. Possibly I am just stressed out. But why should I be stressed out when I have done nothing this summer? Or is that the problem...